When Your Heart Feels Heavy: Finding Strength (and Understanding) on the Hardest Days

Some mornings, my husband and I wake up with that familiar ache—the one that comes from missing our kids and wondering what they might be doing right now. We talk about them, remember the good times, and sometimes just sit quietly with the memories. Every day, we keep our doors and our hearts open, holding onto hope that one day, they’ll come back into our lives.

If you’re reading this and your heart feels heavy too, I want you to know: you’re not alone. There really is someone out there who understands, who will listen without judgment, and who knows the courage it takes just to get through some days.

When “Helpful” Comments Hurt

When you’re going through any kind of trauma—family conflict, child alienation, estrangement, or even just a rough patch—people often want to help. But sometimes their words, however well-meaning, just don’t fit your reality. Maybe you’ve heard things like:

  • “Just move on.”

  • “Time heals everything.”

  • “At least you have [something else].”

Sometimes those comments land like a punch in the gut. They can make you feel even more alone, or misunderstood, or like you should be “over it” by now.

What Can You Do When Advice Doesn’t Fit?

Here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning, every single day):

1. Pause and Breathe
Take a moment before you respond. You don’t have to react right away. Sometimes, just breathing is enough to remind yourself that you’re allowed to feel exactly how you feel.

2. Trust Your Truth
No one knows your story better than you do. If someone’s advice doesn’t fit, it’s okay to let it slide by. You don’t have to take on every suggestion or opinion.

3. Set Gentle Boundaries
It’s perfectly okay to say, “Thank you for caring—I just need someone to listen right now,” or “That doesn’t really help me, but I appreciate your support.” You get to choose what you let in.

4. Remember You’re Not Alone
It’s easy to feel isolated, but there are others—like us—walking a similar path. Find your people, whether it’s a friend, a support group, or just reading words from someone who understands.

5. Be Kind to Yourself
You don’t have to educate everyone, and you don’t have to accept advice that doesn’t help. Take what feels supportive and leave the rest.

Keeping the Door Open

Every day, my husband and I choose to keep talking about our kids, to remember the laughter and the hugs, and to believe that one day, we’ll see them again. We choose hope, even on the hardest days.

If you’re struggling today, please know: your feelings are valid. Your pain is real. And you don’t have to walk this road alone. There’s always someone out there who understands and who will listen—no fixing, no judgment, just an open heart.

If you ever need someone to listen, or simply want to share your story with someone who truly gets it, please reach out. My door is always open. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is let someone else in.

With love, hope, and a heart that understands,
Claire xx

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Welcome to Transform with Claire Rees: A Safe Space for Healing and Growth

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From Conflict to Connection: My Journey & How you can start yours!